Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Rage Continues!! part 2

The driving tips by my good friend Rajiv Dubey to a very large extent were very meaningful. The one thing it did for me was to look at other people doing their "Delhi Driving" and make me smile and laugh most of the times.

Now sometimes when I want God to show me a way..I tend to go stand next to the driver who honks the loudest..I see "Gujjar Boys" written on rear windshield of a car..I think of getting myself a Rayban and get into a courageous mode of "Never Hide".

We sure need to really ponder about when we are following these rules..unknowingly or knowingly. After all we are the TRAFFIC !

Continuing his driving tips from my earlier post.

Delhi Driving Rule # 14:
Evolution of Delhi Drivers:
All drivers in the city have graduated from small vehicles to big vehicles, for example:
Cycle->Moror Cycle->Car
Moror Cycle->Car->SuV
Rickshaw->Auto Rickshaw->Bus
No Wonder all why Car Drivers drive their cars like Motor Bikes. Bus Drivers drive like Auto Rickshaws. Auto Rickshaws drive like Rickshaws.

Delhi Driving Rule # 15: 
Which lane to drive in?
Right most lane is where you should drive, irrespective of your speed and capacity of vehicle. The other two lanes are just for decoration purposes and for illegal parking/encroachment. Driving in right most lane protects your car from being overtaken from the right side ;) — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 16: 
Final Rule !
Everyone in Delhi has some connection in Police Department, Home Ministry, Parliament, Prime Minister's Office, President's office etc. Go Crib!
Delhi Driving Rule # 17: What do people say to a Cop, if caught:

a. Tu Janata Nahin Main Kaun Hoon? (Dont you know who I am?)
b. Lo Baat Karo!! (Dials a phone number and get the Cop to speak to someone).
c. Sorry Sir, I am in a hurry...my wife is in Hospital..about to deliver.
d. Sorry Sir, Loose Motion! Running Stomach etc.
e. Sorry Sir, Galti Se Mistake! I thought that RED light was a sign to "Jump" the light.
f. Sorry I did not know (about license which expired 2 years ago).
g. Sorry Sir, Will never do this again! (After the Challan Ticket has been issued).
h. Negotiate the final deal!

Delhi Driving Rule # 18: 
We don't park our cars, we just stop them where ever we want. Try Parking in CP or Nehru Place- you cant get out by opening any of the doors. Now, the Car companies are working on an option that you could remove the engine and get out by opening the front Hood!! — in New Delhi.

Delhi Driving Rule # 19: 
Driving in Space!!
We drive in 'Space"!! Hell No! that does not make us astronauts!!
We drive where ever we find SPACE on the road and off the road, shoulder of the road, side walk, foot path, opposite side of the road, on Escalators (check this out on foot over bride @ ITO), Subways etc. etc. We are Space-Riders!! Yay that makes us awesome!

Delhi Driving Rule # 20: 
Horn Ok Please!
The Horn has to be used for following purposes:
1. To Scare away the pedestrians
2. To alert the car ahead of you, for your arrival
3. To Turn Left
4. To Turn Right
5. To go Straight
6. To take a "U" turn
7. In case your brakes are not working
8. In case your head lights are off and you cant see anything (at least people will hear your arrival)
9. To Over take someone
10. To let someone overtake you (very rare)
11. Generally...to make sure that its working alright and battery has not failed....

(keep adding to the list)

Delhi Driving Rule # 21: 
Road Signs: Lights
Green: Go
Yellow: Go faster
Red: Jump
Blinking: confused light

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Road Rage! Naah..Road Humor.. an incomplete guide to driving in Delhi

This is something people who drive any kind of automobile will emotionally bond with. 
Why? That's because a person driving in Delhi undergoes various emotions .. love, hatred, WTF attitude,  ..etc. 

These are some of the emotions I guess everyone goes through when driving on the Delhi roads. Tell me more if you think these are not the only ones :-)

Discovery of road blocks and nakabandi leading to Confusion

Surprise - when someone gives way to you and no surprise when people jump signals and honk

Wonder and Surprise is commonplace (traffic jam)

Happiness when  and Unhappiness all at the same time

Amusement and  Weariness - best experienced at any of the tolls or on narrow alleys. Amusement..when you are an innocent bystander, weariness when you are stuck in the jam.

Courage - Timidity - Cowardice..This happens in any particular order depending on how big you are
Pity and Cruelty..The same people who find dogs cho cuute..run them over

Complex emotions..less said the better.usually a gun or a knife or a rod or a baseball bat emotes these complexities of the mind and should

Pride yes.. Modesty & Shame..wtf is this????

Closeness - Detachment - Distance..something you will see in abundance..bumper to bumper

No Caution only Boldness and Rashness

Patience..is a virtue - mere Tolerance is for the lesser mortals and Anger is everywhere

Relaxation only when you have parked.. Composure when you have parked in a parking zone - Stress ..after you park you need to worry about the car

Envy..Bhala meri gaadi uski gaadi se choti kaise??!!

Fear for own's life and  Nervousness when driving and WHAT Security are we talking about..Security is only for the VVIPS

Togetherness - Privacy.. Best seen at night on lonely roads or near colleges

No Respect  only Disrespect for people and the law

COURAGE is what everyone has everyday who drive and don't drive to get onto the Delhi roads.

I AM TRAFFIC Something to ponder about
some sights of delhi ..check this out

So what made me get into this trip of emotions?. Suddenly out of the the blue a friend of mine Rajiv suddenly started updating his FB status with Tips on Driving. Something which everyone should learn ;-)..took sometime to get into his FB page and copy pasted them here. Have a look..It's a nice read.


Delhi Driving Rule # 1
The one who overtakes you at twice the speed meets you at the next Red Light...waiting for you....Tch Tch!

Delhi Driving Rule # 2
Indicator Light:
The indicator light is NEVER to be used to indicate which direction the Car has to turn. It’s a TOP secret. If you reveal which way you have to turn, you will be giving away National Secret to enemies and thereby jeopardizing National Security. Best use of indicator lights is to use them as "hazard sign" while driving to confuse people.

Delhi Driving Rule # 3: 
Lane Driving:
Always drive between the two lanes i.e. not in the lane- but between the lanes. You have a big car, you need space equivalent to two lanes. Plus, your father owns the city so might as well put the space to good use! — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 4: 
Driving in a Direction, opposite to traffic!
As long as you have your head lights on, you can go in any direction. Headlights make you invisible to the incoming traffic. Best way to drive against the incoming traffic is to look busy and talk on the mobile phone and keep your headlights on. This will not only make you a better citizen, but also a good driver (if one can go home alive).

Delhi Driving Rule # 5: 
Texting while driving
Cell Phone to be used only for texting while driving. Do it in the fast lane. That may slow the traffic down, but no problem, people behind you are not in a hurry. In fact compose ppts, make sales pitch etc. It's important!

Delhi Driving Rule # 6:
Best way for to handle waste-management is while driving. 
You are Rich. You can afford food. So, show it off! Eat or drink whatever you like just chuck it out of the window. The car behind you usually is a Garbage Truck and loves it when you throw garbage at it! Next time-try aiming well, specially if you have a beer pint to chuck! — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 7: 
Traffic Jam Rule
If you are stuck in a traffic jam, start honking furiously and flash your head lights repeatedly. This will enable God open a new highway for you from the place you are standing till your destination. Better still, start flying your car in the sky to reach faster(applicable only if you have a flying License)

Delhi Driving Rule # 8:
“Gujjar Boy” Rule:
Run. Hide. Save your life.

Delhi Driving Rule # 9: 
The 99-1 Rule:
99% of our drivers were born with above average driving skills and rest 1% are divided in 3 categories:
A. Maniacs- are the drivers who drive faster than you...will definitely have a crash!
B. "Bloody, trying to Race me" -The guy at same speed as you.
C. Anyone Slower: is learning to drive. Walking in the garden. Is old man, has no reason to be on the road etc. — at Noida

Delhi Driving Rule # 10: 
Railway Crossing Rule
If you travel upcountry and find a Railway Crossing, go and park on the other side of the road. Once the Barricade is lifted, the traffic from opposite direction will automatically get re-routed Via Agra so that you are able to sail through the crossing easily.

Delhi Driving Rule # 11: 
Stopping on the “Stop” line on the Red Light
Continuously honk at people who have dared to stop on the line, before the Zebra Cross. You are superior citizen have right to stop on the Zebra Cross itself. It will help pedestrians to discover new routes on the road and better their survival skills on road. Also, keep "inching forward" while the light is Red, just to challenge the flowing traffic on the other side. — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 12:
How to take right turn fast:
Keep the car on the left most lane or middle lane. Block the traffic going straight. Once you get green signal (or not), turn right, block the right lane as well, you will get first chance to turn and others will turn GREEN.

Delhi Driving Rule # 13: 
Eating Paan and Gutkha is a Royal Habit and world is your spittoon. If you chew Paan-Gutkha not only you look great with mouthful of gooey substance, you smell great too. Most importantly, you must also color the roads Red (black is boring). 
Spitting is most effective when you are driving. To demonstrate, open the door while driving to relieve yourself. You must shoot a video and post it on youtube on “how to spit, while driving” so that world is educated on this awesome talent of yours. — at Delhi!!!

to be continued....

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Fly Time !

after a very long time dabbled in aeromodeling .. no not the one made out of balsa wood the petrol engines and the remotes and all..a plane made out of waste :-)

Used to make these as a kid..today kind of taught my 8 year old how to make it..

wingspan of about 5 inches..branded as Boroplus..and it flies :-)

take a look


For those who came late