Road Rage! Naah..Road Humor.. an incomplete guide to driving in Delhi

This is something people who drive any kind of automobile will emotionally bond with. 

Why? That's because a person driving in Delhi undergoes various emotions .. love, hatred, WTF attitude,  ..etc. 

These are some of the emotions I guess everyone goes through when driving on the Delhi roads. Tell me more if you think these are not the only ones :-)

Discovery of road blocks and nakabandi leading to Confusion

Surprise - when someone gives way to you and no surprise when people jump signals and honk

Wonder and Surprise is commonplace (traffic jam)

Happiness when  and Unhappiness all at the same time

Amusement and  Weariness - best experienced at any of the tolls or on narrow alleys. Amusement..when you are an innocent bystander, weariness when you are stuck in the jam.

Courage - Timidity - Cowardice..This happens in any particular order depending on how big you are

Pity and Cruelty..The same people who find dogs cho cuute..run them over

Complex emotions..less said the better.usually a gun or a knife or a rod or a baseball bat emotes these complexities of the mind and should

Pride yes.. Modesty & Shame..wtf is this????

Closeness - Detachment - Distance..something you will see in abundance..bumper to bumper

No Caution only Boldness and Rashness

Patience..is a virtue - mere Tolerance is for the lesser mortals and Anger is everywhere

Relaxation only when you have parked.. Composure when you have parked in a parking zone - Stress ..after you park you need to worry about the car

Envy..Bhala meri gaadi uski gaadi se choti kaise??!!

Fear for own's life and  Nervousness when driving and WHAT Security are we talking about..Security is only for the VVIPS

Togetherness - Privacy.. Best seen at night on lonely roads or near colleges

No Respect  only Disrespect for people and the law

COURAGE is what everyone has everyday who drive and don't drive to get onto the Delhi roads.

I AM TRAFFIC Something to ponder about

some sights of delhi ..check this out

So what made me get into this trip of emotions?. Suddenly out of the the blue a friend of mine Rajiv suddenly started updating his FB status with Tips on Driving. Something which everyone should learn ;-)..took sometime to get into his FB page and copy pasted them here. Have a look..It's a nice read.

PUBLIC NOTICE: DO NOT READ THIS WHEN DRIVING :-)

Delhi Driving Rule # 1

The one who overtakes you at twice the speed meets you at the next Red Light...waiting for you....Tch Tch!

Delhi Driving Rule # 2

Indicator Light:

The indicator light is NEVER to be used to indicate which direction the Car has to turn. It’s a TOP secret. If you reveal which way you have to turn, you will be giving away National Secret to enemies and thereby jeopardizing National Security. Best use of indicator lights is to use them as "hazard sign" while driving to confuse people.

Delhi Driving Rule # 3: 

Lane Driving:

Always drive between the two lanes i.e. not in the lane- but between the lanes. You have a big car, you need space equivalent to two lanes. Plus, your father owns the city so might as well put the space to good use! — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 4: 

Driving in a Direction, opposite to traffic!

As long as you have your head lights on, you can go in any direction. Headlights make you invisible to the incoming traffic. Best way to drive against the incoming traffic is to look busy and talk on the mobile phone and keep your headlights on. This will not only make you a better citizen, but also a good driver (if one can go home alive).

Delhi Driving Rule # 5: 

Texting while driving

Cell Phone to be used only for texting while driving. Do it in the fast lane. That may slow the traffic down, but no problem, people behind you are not in a hurry. In fact compose ppts, make sales pitch etc. It's important!

Delhi Driving Rule # 6:

Garbage

Best way for to handle waste-management is while driving. 

You are Rich. You can afford food. So, show it off! Eat or drink whatever you like just chuck it out of the window. The car behind you usually is a Garbage Truck and loves it when you throw garbage at it! Next time-try aiming well, specially if you have a beer pint to chuck! — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 7: 

Traffic Jam Rule

If you are stuck in a traffic jam, start honking furiously and flash your head lights repeatedly. This will enable God open a new highway for you from the place you are standing till your destination. Better still, start flying your car in the sky to reach faster(applicable only if you have a flying License)

Delhi Driving Rule # 8:

“Gujjar Boy” Rule:

Run. Hide. Save your life.

Delhi Driving Rule # 9: 

The 99-1 Rule:

99% of our drivers were born with above average driving skills and rest 1% are divided in 3 categories:

A. Maniacs- are the drivers who drive faster than you...will definitely have a crash!

B. "Bloody, trying to Race me" -The guy at same speed as you.

C. Anyone Slower: is learning to drive. Walking in the garden. Is old man, has no reason to be on the road etc. — at Noida

Delhi Driving Rule # 10: 

Railway Crossing Rule

If you travel upcountry and find a Railway Crossing, go and park on the other side of the road. Once the Barricade is lifted, the traffic from opposite direction will automatically get re-routed Via Agra so that you are able to sail through the crossing easily.

Delhi Driving Rule # 11: 

Stopping on the “Stop” line on the Red Light

Continuously honk at people who have dared to stop on the line, before the Zebra Cross. You are superior citizen have right to stop on the Zebra Cross itself. It will help pedestrians to discover new routes on the road and better their survival skills on road. Also, keep "inching forward" while the light is Red, just to challenge the flowing traffic on the other side. — at Delhi!!!

Delhi Driving Rule # 12:

How to take right turn fast:

Keep the car on the left most lane or middle lane. Block the traffic going straight. Once you get green signal (or not), turn right, block the right lane as well, you will get first chance to turn and others will turn GREEN.

Delhi Driving Rule # 13: 

Spit-Power!

Eating Paan and Gutkha is a Royal Habit and world is your spittoon. If you chew Paan-Gutkha not only you look great with mouthful of gooey substance, you smell great too. Most importantly, you must also color the roads Red (black is boring). 

Spitting is most effective when you are driving. To demonstrate, open the door while driving to relieve yourself. You must shoot a video and post it on youtube on “how to spit, while driving” so that world is educated on this awesome talent of yours. — at Delhi!!!

to be continued....

tribute to Nirbhaya

Hope a fire like this burns all those demented :"men" and "women" !

The Indian Fridge..Ahh Nostaligia

My first brush with a pot was when I was a little kid...our kiddy gang used to go for morning walks and adventures into JNU and "Priya ke Pahadi".  Priya ke Pahadi it was called as these were small hills with a few ponds in between them and were next to the Priya Theater.

For those who came in late..hehe pun intended..Priya is now PVR Priya in Basant Lok, Vasant Vihar. The Priya ke Pahadi is where the huge 3 air-conditioned malls stand now and India's biggest car manufacturer Maruti is located..Nelson Mandela road, Vasant Kunj

Now that history and gyaan given..let me get back to Pot :-)..Within these pahadi, there was a tree which looked like a Cock..there go your dirty minds on a wild run again..

Cock as in the rooster..see pic below..and imagine it in a shape of a tree..

Cock AKA Rooster

We used to call it Murga Paed or the cock tree.. and under this tree there used be a pot which was kept by the workers who were blasting the hills and the rocks with dynamite..(guess this was to make those roads which now take us to Gurgaon and the place which we now know as Vasant kunj)...OK guys am NOT that old

And we kids used to walk that 5 km walk one way..through the bushy brushy jungle..wade through the ponds just to drink that sweet water from that pot..FYI Pot here is NOT grass, ganja, marijuana..it was a clay pot.

The next time I got a pot was in college..had a bachelors pad in Bangalore.. and I being from delhi used to cold water from a fridge..got the pot in Bangalore..aah those were the great days

So what made me go back in time? My wife asked me to get a pot! and this one has a tap too..the only difference..the pots which I had earlier were filled with water from the earth ..a hand pump..this one is RO water..but the sweet earthy taste and smell of the water and the quenching of the thirst still takes me back in time

The Indian Fridge

some colors of India especially @ dilli haat

http://devilsownparadise.blogspot.com/2010/07/some-colors-of-india-especially-dilli.html

The weather was good...not very hot...but yes very humid...:-) so we guys decided to go to Dilli Haat. Well it was an impromptu visit...wanted to stay away from being the MallRats and away from the big screen today.

Dilli Haat was started a few years back..it was to be a hub set in a rustic ambience and showcasing the talents of the various artisans across India. For a couple of years THIS was the place apart from Janpath in Connaught Place and Sarojini Nagar Market to get good handicrafts and clothes and a lot of other knick knacks at very affordable prices...and then Dilli Haat became popular.

This was made on top of a nallah / drain

Popularity made this a tourist place and then the NGOs descended on Dilli Haat...and I guess that was the end of the bargains and good stuff.

Well..this is still a place to roam around and have some good food from the food kiosks within the premises.
Almost all the states of India have their kiosks there. For me this is the attraction :-)

Ssslllllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuurrrrrpppp!!! Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooollllll!!! mmmmmmmmm food

From kashmiri food (wouldnt recommend this) where Tin Cocks are served..highly recommnded to the people with iron deficiency and to "Open Happiness" to Rajasthani thalis, daal bhati churma ..to the Bengali  fish & Mishti Dohi to the Maharashtrian Vada paavs...all available here. A decent meal for  two , where one would feel like a stuffed Turkey costs about INR 600 max.

Oh yes..momos and chowmien are the staple preference for most.

Dont forget to the Matka Kulfi too.

Today we went on one of those days, which is a change over day..the theme changes and the artisans and the shops change. Hence very less crowded.

I like these days as my money stays my money and doesnt become the artisans ;-)...I guess the married men out there would relate to this.

well you guys must be thinking where are the colors?

Clicked some photos of the colors there. Have a look. All taken from Nokia N97 :-) some pics are blurred so peer hard to see them ;-)

Post entering Dilli Haat. Crowdless and no noise pollution :-)

Bangles and bangles. Just need a BoJangle now

Elephants & Camels from Rajasthan A birds eye view

Bracelets & Rings

Curtain screens..Peta guys shouldn't see these hung animals :-)

Hang down your Tom Dooley...more Pachyderms

Sea Shell Earings to make all fairer sex look even more prettier :-)

More Seashell Earings;'.. no wonder the women all look so nice ;-)

The shopkeeper who took my money :-)

Ladels & Spoons...This is when I get Hungrrrrryyyyy!!!

The dog!

Sea Shell from which the pearls come out ;-)

Dilli Haat getting ready for the next theme

Bangles - yeah sea shells again 

I believe I can fly!!

Cobblestoned artea outside..good place to get Chai, Papad etc

Balloons

Car Views...Wet Delhi :-)

And then he thundered...Let there be rains...and the parched & arid land of Delhi was something of an equivalent of the great floods (remember Noah or Manu..read your histoy guys & gals..) ...all thanks to the various civic & CWG authorities of Saddi Dilli....

The last few times had posted some pics on dusty hot delhi...and this I thought let me post some videos of how the rains effect the capital of India. A completly washed look when you just look...washed out when you have to travel...greenery all around...birds chirping...smiles on everyones faces (no not the ones who are driving :-) )...children playing in the rain...yes... to answer one of my mentors question..paper boats are STILL in vogue

And also how inconsiderate some people can be while driving..

check them out

Car Views - Dusty Delhi & NCR

Summers in Delhi is fun..especially now that Delhi is become NCR..saw a few sights which ensured that I made good use of the camera on my mobile phone and thought let me share here for whoever is interested. This is the continuation of the earlier stuff tht I had put up..the little known sights of Delhi / India

Some of this stuff is from sites of Gurgaon too..

Yes you guessed this right. These were a bunch of donkeys on busy road. I had parked on the side to take a call when I noticed them..yeah right...I do tend to notice a lot of donkeys in this world LOL. but these chappies were pretty intelligent..they waited for the traffic to thin down...crossed the road...and actually trotted on the sidewalk..Dont know how many of us have this civic sense in us :-). Next time I hope I see pigs..they are too found in abundance here :-)

Dulhan Dahej Hai - The bride is the Dowry

Now thats a good social message on the dowry system. Its a crime to take Dowry by the way

Machine ka Tandha Paani - Cold water from a Machine

 This used to be available for 5 paise a glass now the rates have shot up to a rupee. In summers in Delhi one gets to see these "machines" which use a simple pump mechanism to pump out water in a glass. A boon to all travellers. Sometimes if one is lucky the vendor may also have some lemons and give you an outta this world lemonade.

On the way to Office..towards Gurgaon, Haryana

Well..Thats the "Ship Building" on the right hand side
which is just kind of visible on a dusty morning.

There...now can see the building a little bit more clearly

Dust in Delhi is brought about by an onslaught of wind ...hot wind..called locally as Loo. Dont confuse it with the word Loo used for the toilets..if you do..trust me the experience may not be well liked by you and the people around you..as the delhi Loo is hot and furious.

well now me gotta go..and shut all doors and windows..as the winds have started again

Other sights--Little seen sights of India or are they

Little seen sights of India or are they

while driving around the roads and streets of India one sometimes sees a lot of stuff...which are not usually shown in the touristy sites. now that I have a nice phone camera, the other one is too heavy and big to lug around...i decided to click some of these awesome sights..awesome is just a state of the the person looking at the photos...for me all photos are gonna be awesome :-)

PS: the photographs will be taken by me after stopping the car if I am driving...

Have linked some of the words which would take you various third party sites on which I have no control ;-) if you need more information (general kind) on anything google or bing!.. anything related to what I have written get in touch with me...

wellzzz lemme start with some stuff

Elephant Safari in the concrete jungles

A very common sight in Delhi...you have the four legged pachyderms racing with you. The best part is...if you are looking for some lighter or destressing moments...you can actually go for a small Concrete Jungle Safari on these elephants. What you need to do is...yell out to the mahout (the caretaker of the elephant) to stop..you park your vehicle in a nice place...which does not disturb the flow of traffic and from where the cops dont tow away your vehicle..go near the elephant and go on a ride..INR 20 is all what it takes :-)

The long lonely road to everywhere

This is the road which leads you to Greater Noida fondly called Greater Nevada by moi ;-).

Gurgaon - DLF Cyber City

This is the most busiest part of Gurgaon...the complex has over 8 buildings high rises...and most of the offices are housed here..ESPN, Microsoft, Aircel, Yahoo...the list is a never ending list. best time to go here for peace and quiet would be late evenings on holidays ;-)

Also has some good restaurants...like Punjabi by Nature, etc

Traffic on Outer Ring Road - New Delhi

Its not always this bad...there was a flyover being constructed to ensure smooth flow of traffic to an fro ..and hence bad traffic...thing about delhi road sense is quite similar to the real estate guys around the world...find space so gobble it

Hang on guys!!! we are almost there

 This was on a road which we call NH 8 (National Highway 8) This connects New Delhi and Mumbai and passes through Haryana and Rajasthan etc. Please do not be fooled by these "hangers"..they are I guess just trying out what Airbus tried in their airplanes ..the Standing Seats - where  Passengers in the standing section would be propped against a padded backboard, held in place with a harness, according to experts who have seen a proposal. I guess Indian's are a lot more daredevilizzzz than they appear. :-)

However technologically India may have advanced, we would never do away with our heritage of Carts...you can see a varied variety of carts pulled by a variety of animals...elephants, Camels, Bullocks, Oxen, ...and yeah! sometimes humans too :-)

Dasara, derived from the Sanskrit Dasha-hara meaning "remover of bad fate", is among the most important festivals celebrated in India...This was taken from the the road (yes after I parked the car away from the eyes of delhi cops)..

 

During this festival..the effigies of Ravan and his two brothers is very common across all parks & open spaces in Delhi and north India..well yes..hard to believe eh!..we do have a apark in every residential locality :-)...and yes delhi is kinda spaced out...that is..there is space except when you want space for parking

 

the old lady of Jaipur

 Jauhari Bazar - Jaipur...busy street...only retail shops..you name it and you get it here...each street famous for a particular thing...clothes to handicrafts to jewelery to food to shoes to toys to this and to that...

When roaming on a hot october afternoon lugging my camera around...chanced to look up and saw this lady just sitting and looking at all the cacophony happening in the bazaar below...she painted a very pretty picture...been there done it types... another shot of the actual busy street

Look Ma! its a metal bird

On the way to Neemrana fort...we found this airplane parked...see I told you...we have a lot of space here ..on a closer look we figured out that this was one of the planes used to teach the budding pilots who enroll themselves in the School of Aeronatics

Tin Cocks?

THE Kashmiri cuisine has a lot of fantastic food to offer. They have some delicious (thumbs down) that some would die for. The Wazwan Kashmiri kiosk in Dilli Haat has another speciality that I dont think would be available anywhere else. Check the Drinks section of their menu .. guess they do believe in equal opportunity menu.